so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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