why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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