Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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