This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
