It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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