i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
