I hate your face
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
