i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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