I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
