my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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