He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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