help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
