Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We're like a lot better than the average bears
wanna go halves on a baby?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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