the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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