You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I love having hate sex.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
