my phone needs a breathalizer
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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