There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
