White coat. Heels.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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