Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
