Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
