I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
