I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
