I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Randomize
