Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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