so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
