I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
