There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
