whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
