I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We're facebook friends in real life
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Pants are for mortals
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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