Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Hippo gnu deer
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
