If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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