If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Boobs speak an international language.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
