You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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