you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
