I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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