After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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