just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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