so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
