You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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