Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
only you would photoshop your dick
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
