I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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