I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
