i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
