question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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