found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
