remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
