Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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