If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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