and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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