What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
