you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
