see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
