Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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