i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
