is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
