3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You're so nebulous sometimes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
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